Wicked THE MUSICAL Parody!
by LostOzian
Summary: Parody or Wicked IN PUPPET SHOW SCRIPT STYLE! I have a very strange sense of humor, I hope you think it's funny. ACT TWO NOW POSTED!
1. ACT I!

Hey, LostOzian here. Haha, my first fanfic! This is so cool! Don't judge it any less, and please review if you hate it and I'll make future fics better. I wish I owned Wicked, but I don't, so the characters and very dismembered general plot aren't really mine. If you see random words in all caps (i.e. Students: AVOID) it's like a stage direction or expression. I do it a lot, but the format thing won't let me use asterixes. 

Wicked Parody

WICKED ACT I

Monkeys: Ooo ooo, AAA AAA AAA AAA! Turn Gears!

Townspeople: Let's have a celebration throughout Oz! Undisclosed Foreshadowing

Glinda: I wow you all with my ultra high opera soprano!

Random Person: I question the reason why we're having this huge party.

Glinda: Well, here; how about I delve into the very private secrets of the Witch's family?

Townspeople: That would do nicely, thanks.

Mother: I have affairs with traveling salespeople!...

Father: Gee, I wonder what MY baby will look like.

Mother: …And give birth to people with strange dermal plot points, apparently.

Father: I SHUN green babies!

Baby Elphaba: Well, I shun you, too.

Glinda: Let's fast fo'ward to a few years la-ter…

Elphaba: Somehow I morphed into a college student!

Students: AVOID

Galinda: Yes, my name is different. Now shut up and push my luggage.

Elphaba: Time for incredible sarcasm!

Father: Elphaba, everything you do is wrong. Nessarose, everything you do is right.

Elphaba: So much for 'equally loving father.'

Nessa: Poor big sis, I pity you.

Elphaba: What do you mean my sister rooms with a freaky old lady?! MAGIC

Nessa: That is, until you start casting inexplicably strange spells.

Madame Morrible: I love people with magic spell powers, no matter what color their skin is! I now reject all other students!

Galinda: Wait a clock-tick; I didn't get what I want. SINGS Something baaad, is happening in Oz…

Elphaba: Wow, since I have all of this potential, there's probably going to be a celebration throughout Oz in my honor! More undisclosed foreshadowing

WICKED

Elphaba and Galinda: Figures my roommate hates every particle of my existence.

Students: We love you, Galinda!

Galinda: I love you too, now go shun my roommate.

WICKED

Elphaba: Just when you think life couldn't get any worse, Galinda calls me an artichoke.

Dr. Dillamond: Elphaba, somehow the Wizard is unaware of animals losing the ability to speak!

Elphaba: Well, I better go tell him if I'm going to be his magic grand vizier, or whatever.

WICKED

Boq: I love you, Galinda!

Galinda: Ooo, Biq! Look! It's a hot prince attending Shiz!

Boq: My name is _Boq_!

Galinda: Whatev, I gotta go flirt with the hot prince-y dude. HAIR TOSS

Fiyero: I'm stupid and proud of it, but I know a flirt when I see one. IMITATE HAIR TOSS

Galinda: I'm jealous. You do it better than I do.

Boq: I'm being ignored over here…

Galinda: On purpose…

Fiyero: To celebrate the arrival of my hotness, let's have a party!

Boq: I'm going to wait in the corner for you to dance with me like a stalker!

Galinda: How about you go stalk the cripple? It'll make me happy…HINT, HINT

Boq: Hey, great idea. Nessa! Will you go out with me!

Nessa: Heck yes!

Galinda: That was easy®.

Fiyero: You're kind of pretty. Like me. Let's date.

Galinda: Once again, I get what I want.

Nessa: I love Boq!

Elphaba: You're sure that's a good move?

Nessa: What could go wrong? Galinda paired us up.

Elphaba: Grrrr…

Nessa: Aw, c'mon, Elphaba. Galinda's nice. I just wish I could repay her. HINT, HINT

Galinda: Since I'm so charitable, I give you this unfashionable hat! (As a joke, but you don't know that. Ha ha!)

Elphaba: Well, if Galinda owned it, it must be the most recent fad. GUILT RISING

Fiyero: I make 'Wizard of Oz' references talking about punch!

Galinda: Why are you interrupting my hottie's party?

Madame Morrible: Elphaba blackmailed me to let you into my magic classes.

Galinda: Wow, and all because of an ugly hat. OH CRAP, ELPHABA! GUILT

Elphaba: Why is everybody looking at me?

Students: We hate your hat, artichoke.

Elphaba: Well, screw you. I'm dancing with me. THANKS A LOT, GALINDA! Evils

Galinda: I feel bad for you, so I'm going to increase your negative popularity score by 10,000 points by dancing with you.

Fiyero: Ya know, Elphaba would be hot if she wasn't green.

WICKED

Elphaba: If you don't count attending funerals, that was my first party.

Galinda: I'm going to change who you are to make you popular!

Elphaba: What was all that crap about a ball gown?

Galinda: I'm also bad at magic, but who cares 'cause I'm pretty.

Elphaba: Maybe if I tried-

Galinda: NO! My precccioussss wandsesss….

Prettyful Elphaba: I'm so pretty it's disturbing me. Run away time!

Galinda: Too bad, you're gonna stay pretty because I want you to. Neener neener!

WICKED

Prettyful Elphaba: What are you looking at?

Fiyero's subconscious thoughts: HOLY CRAP, HOT GIRL! DROOLZ

Fiyero: Oh, nothing. Why'd you let Galinda pretty-fy you? You… were already… pretty…well, in your own sort of green-ish way…like grass is pretty… screw up

Dr. Dillamond: Class, you have a permanent substitute because they don't let me teach anymore.

Prettyful Elphaba: Objection, Madame Morrible!

Madame Morrible: Over-ruled. And remember, it isn't a democracy, this is a theocratic autocracy. Now let me introduce your new teacher.

Freaky Dude: Animals don't feel pain when they're kept in cages.

Prettyful Elphaba: OBJECTIOOOOOOOON!!! MORE FREAKY SPELL CASTING

Fiyero: Why am I the only one not thrashing about the stage in sheer agony?

Prettyful Elphaba: This can't be good.

Fiyero: Knight in shining armor, I save the lion cub!

Prettyful Elphaba: My stupid, heroic hero! I lov-

Fiyero: Ummm….MUST SAVE CUB! runs away

Prettyful Elphaba: I guess being pretty wasn't enough for him…Mournful singing I'm not that girl….

Madame Morrible: There you are! I'm sending you to the Emerald City before you graduate, because the Wizard needs your power- I…mean, um…Oh heck, just go.

Prettyful Elphaba: Yay, I'll help Dr. Dillamond sooner than I expected.

Madame Morrible: WEATHER SPELL-CASTY

Prettyful Elphaba: And it's not raining! This has to be good foreshadowing…right?

WICKED

Galinda: Last minute advice to stay popular in the city. I know that's going to be so hard.

Prettyful Elphaba: Galinda, stop worrying.

Galinda: Well, I'm worrying about Fiyero, too. He's started thinking since that day with the cub.

Prettyful Elphaba: Well, he wouldn't stop to say goodbye to me…oh look, here he is.

Fiyero: Hi, I've come to say goodbye to you. I've started thinking…about that day…at the place…with you. Yeah.

Prettyful Elphaba: If you have something to say, Fiyero, spit it out.

Fiyero: Well, I want to say I like you, but my girlfriend's here.

Galinda: Fiyero, in a desperate attempt to impress you, I change my name. In honor of Dr. Dillamond, I am now…GLINDA!!! SHINYNESS

Fiyero: Oh…okay then. Bye…GLINDA. Bye, Elphaba… EXITS

Glinda: Well, shoot. That didn't work, and I have a new name now. Sads

Prettyful Elphaba: Well, come to the Emerald City with me. I owe you one anyway.

Ozians: We have the bestest city in Oz!

Glinda and Elphaba: We know! We love it!

Elphaba: And I decided not to be Prettyful anymore. No clue what that's about.

Glinda: Would you stop marveling at normality and just hurry up?!

Elphaba: I'm just so excited to be in a place greener than I am.

Guard: The wizard is ready for you!

Glinda and Elphaba: Ya- oh shoot freaky talking head. cower

THE WIZARD: BOO!!!

Glinda and Elphaba: Eek!

Elphaba: I am Elphaba!

The Wizard: It's you? Okay, that means I can come out now.

Glinda: You mean you actually look like a normal person?

The Wizard: Um…yeah.

Elphaba: Somehow my hopes and dreams are beginning to shatter…

The Wizard: Hey Elphie, read this! It's harmless!

Elphaba: OK! CONTROLLED FREAKY SPELLCASTING

Chisterie: WINGIFY

Elphaba: This can't be good.

The Wizard: But it's getting better! Lever'd

Caged Monkeys: WINGIFIED

Elphaba: Don't you mean WORSE!?!?

Madame Morrible: Congrats, you made spies!

Elphaba: Crap.

The Wizard: And I'm behind all of this Animal abuse!

Elphaba: Cra-ap!

The Wizard: And I have no real power!!!

Elphaba: CRAAAP!!! RUN AWAY

Glinda: Elphie, Come back! They'll give us candy!

Madame Morrible: Oh no! Our power source is running away with our press face!

The Wizard: You go scare the general public; I'll send my guards after them!

THE WIZARD: GO FIND THE GIRL THAT LOOKS LIKE AN AVACADO!!!

Elphaba: Well, it's a welcome change from the usual 'artichoke'.

Guards: twirl inefficiently to go different directions

THE WIZARD: AND NO INNEFFICIENT TWIRLING!

Elphaba: We are in the highest room of the tallest tower with no escape!

Glinda: I blame you for ruining EVERYTHING!

Elphaba: I blame you for lack of MORALS!

Elphaba and Glinda: Grrrr…

Elphaba: I'm so smart I say 'defying gravity' when I mean 'flying'! It makes for a better song anyway. I mean, "I think I'll try flying". That sounds weird!

Glinda: Elphaba…You're rambling again.

Guards: We were somehow right behind you!

Elphaba: Barricade the door with this conveniently placed broom!

Glinda: We're screwed, aren't we?

Elphaba: Well, I only know one spell, and that didn't go very well last time. Try it again!

Glinda: I assume a LEVITATION spell means you get wings. So it didn't work!

Elphaba: I thought that too. I wanted wings…

Glinda: OMG A FLYING BROOMSTICK WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?!?!

Elphaba: It's not wings, but I'll take it!

Guards: Peek-a-boo!

Glinda: Selfless sacrificing 101, here I go!

Guards: Wait, this one isn't green. We need someone to show the Wizard, so we'll take her in anyway.

Elphaba: I got an A+ in Selfless sacrificing 101! GLIDNA'S INNOCENT!!! FLIGHT

Glinda: I'd be absolutely terrified if I didn't know it was you.

Elphaba: If you don't think this song is stuffed full of foreshadowing, I'll whack you with my new favorite housecleaning tool and mode of transportation.

END WICKED ACT I

WICKED ACT II

Townspeople: The Wicked Witch of the West has made our lives horrible!

Glinda: I guarantee she won't bother you today if you party with me!

Madame Morrible: Let this be a lesson to the intelligent people in the audience you need to lie, cheat, and lie to succeed at anything.

Fiyero: Waitaminute, I'm getting married?!

Glinda: Somehow I forgot to tell you. So do you accept- good! You do!

Madame Morrible: So, remember. When I say 'Do you hate the Witch?', you say 'Yes, with all of my might.' Got it?

Fiyero: Morality conflicts

Madame Morrible: Do you hate the Witch?

Fiyero: Well, not really-

Madame Morrible: WRONG ANSWER!!! snarlys

Glinda: Fiyero, why not save yourself a bunch of pain and say what Madame Morrible wants?

Fiyero: Because I'm too busy marveling at how you think my obsession with Elphaba is because we were friends.

Glinda: Marry me!

Fiyero: I kind of have to, so okay. sad longings

WICKED

Nessa: This wasn't supposed to turn out like a master/servant relationship…

Boq: Then why don't you let me go?

Nessa: Because I like you. And you have a cool metallic jacket.

Boq: I call you madam because it gets on your nerves.

Nessa: Sigh Everybody hates me and I don't know why.

Elphaba: pops out of wardrobe

Nessa: EEK! Elphaba! You were only allowed to do that on Halloween! When I was six!

Elphaba: I need father's help.

Nessa: Daddy's dead because he hates you.

Elphaba: I need some other authority figures help, then. Nessa! Help me, pwease?

Nessa: No, because I have a very good vocabulary. So I won't help my only sister and lifelong caretaker.

Elphaba: I'm just trying to help others too!

Nessa: If you make me walk then I might be helpful.

Elphaba: SPELLCASTY ON SHOES

Nessa: Owowowowowowow! Hot shoes! TAKES TWO STEPS AND CRASHES

Elphaba: Hey, cool. Something turned out right!

Nessa: Now that I'm suddenly an expert at walking, I call Boq! Turns chair and hides

Elphaba: No! Not a witness!

Boq: OH NO! NESSA TURNED INTO HER SISTER!

Elphaba: Idiot, it's me.

Boq: Well, that's not much of a fall. You're sister's a jerk now.

Nessa: I heard that, but I'll ignore it because I can walk. Oh Bo-oq!

Boq: Yay! You can do things yourself! That means I leave, and-

Nessa: Oh no you don't! I STEAL YOUR HEART!!! Bad spell casting

Elphaba: Nessa, you can't do anything by yourself! I leave you for two seconds and you go and seal the fate of the guy you like!

Nessa: I blame you anyway, because Daddy said everything I do is right.

Elphaba: DO YOU WANT ME TO SAVE HIM OR NOT, BECAUSE I'D LET HIM DIE IF YOU WANT ME TO!

Nessa: Fine, save him. Dancing through Life pseudo-reprise

Elphaba: Well, he's alive. I hope you weren't expecting much else.

Nessa: Damn my lack of general magic knowledge!

Boq: I feel stiff, and my joints need oiling. TIN MAN'D!

Nessa: NOT MY FAULT!!!

Boq: What's not your faul- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! RUN AWAY

WICKED

Elphaba: I'm here to gatecrash the wizard, not Glinda's party.

The Wizard: I can make you magnificent!

Elphaba: That doesn't sound right…

The Wizard: What?

Elphaba: Magnificent. It doesn't have that ring to it.

The Wizard: Oh, okay….um….how about 'renowned'?

Elphaba: No…

The Wizard: 'Splendid?'

Elphaba: Not yet…

The Wizard: 'Grand'?

Elphaba: Almost…

The Wizard: I'm running out of words in my Microsoft Word thesaurus. There's one other good one left…'Wonderful'?

Elphaba: That's the one! I'll give up my resistance if you make me wonderful!

The Wizard: Wonderful!

Elphaba: Can you set the flying monkeys free, too? Otherwise I won't follow you!

The Wizard: Fine…

Flying Monkeys: FLY ABOUT CONFUSEDLY

Elphaba: FLY, MY PRETTIES! FLY, FLY, FLY!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The Wizard: I'm not sure I want to be associated with her anyway…

Elphaba: Hey! You under the blanket! You're not flying!

The Wizard: No!

Dr. Dillamond: Dumb Goat

Elphaba: Forget 'wonderful'! You hurt my friends!

THE WIZARD: GUARDS! THE AVACADO IS BACK!

Fiyero: OMG ELPH…I mean, go get water so I can fight the Witch!

Elphaba: Not you too, Fiyero. I mean, you're stupid, but this is too far!

Fiyero: change sides

The Wizard: Eep! Powerless without my floating head!

Glinda: Yay! Elphie's safe. C'mon, Fiyero, let's go get married. Elphie, know that you would be my bridesmaid if you weren't a fugitive.

Fiyero: I'm kind of having second thoughts about that marriage think. And I like Elphaba better.

Glinda: SHOCKED

Elphaba: SHOCKED

Fiyero: C'mon, Elphaba. Let's run through the woods together.

Elphaba: Okay! Some dreams come true

Glinda: Most dreams shatter

The Wizard: Have another drink, my dark-eyed beauty!

Glinda: JUST SAY NO!

Madame Morrible: Yay, The witch is in prison!

The Wizard: Weren't you paying attention last scene?

Glinda: Tell everybody Nessa's hurt and Elphie will come and be sisterish.

Madame Morrible: It would be a lot easier if we killed her.

The Wizard: Do your worst, Madame.

Madame Morrible: STORMING LITERALLY

Glinda: It was too perfect to be true…

Elphaba: This is too perfect to be true…

Fiyero: Well, everybody knows what happened tonight, it's just hard to show it on a stage while maintaining some of the actors' dignity.

Elphaba: I wish I was pretty…

Fiyero: Inner beauty spiel

Elphaba: Yeah, yeah, we've heard it before- WAIT! There's a flying house only I can see!

Fiyero: You're weird, but I like you anyway. So go help Nessa, and I'll let you live in the other castle, conveniently placed in the West.

WICKED

Glinda: It's amazing how much this line changes from actress to actress.

Elphaba: You dishonor my sister by mourning her death.

Glinda: Well, excuse me for trying to be solemn.

Elphaba: SADS

Glinda:CONSOLES  
Elphaba: ANGST

Glinda: UNHELPFUL TERMINOLOGY

Elphaba: I feel this shaky friendship has ended!

Glinda: Damn right! Slap!

Elphaba: Ahahahaha, you're so funny.

Glinda: You think so?

Elphaba: NO! Slap!

Glinda: I'm going to win because my wand is twirlier!

Elphaba: Forget wands, I pull your hair!

Glinda: I take your hat!

Guards: Okay, break it up, break it up.

Elphaba: No fair, playing off of my eldest sibling instincts!

Glinda: I didn't mean to!

Fiyero: This is the most awesome line, which should never be parodied. LET THE GREEN GIRL GO!

Glinda: Fiyero! You came back!

Fiyero: For Elphaba! And I'd threaten you if I have to, which I do.

Glinda: Well, drat.

Fiyero: Run, Elphaba!

Elphaba: Not without you!

Fiyero: I can't, I have to stay here and intimidate the guards.

Elphaba: I can think of six strategies that would let you come with me in about two seconds, but there's no time. FLY

Fiyero: I said 'run'…

Guards: POUNCE

Glinda: Don't harm him! Wait, he likes Elphie. Go ahead, forget I said anything.

Guards: Well, we have spears and backlighting. Let's allude to the Scarecrow as much as possible.

Glinda: FIYEEEEEEEEE-

Elphaba: EEEEEROOO!!! Is that not the coolest scene-change voice effect? Now skedaddle, monkeys, I have to spell cast. Let's see, funny words, motions, and now for me to assume that Fiyero is dead.

Audience: Well, this makes for a depressingly moving musical.

WICKED

Townspeople: MOBS ARE SO MUCH FUN!!!

'Tin Man': Now, some foreshadowing to the fact I still think of the Witch as my old classmate. Elph- Umm…THE WITCH!!!!!!!!! And the poor little Lion hates her too.

Townspeople: Most of us are probably drunk with the amount that this is riling us up.

Madame Morrible: Let this be a lesson to you that only mindlessly obedient alumni go down in Oz history.

Glinda: I kind of wish I did go with Elphaba during 'Defying Gravity'.

Madame Morrible: I hope you mobsters DO kill the witch! Good luck!

Glinda: I gotta go be a best friend again!

WICKED

Elphaba: Well, isn't it just cheap that we never actually SHOW Dorothy, but that would be another person with their own bow.

Glinda: Only hot or important people deserve my name-memory space, so the dog is now named Dodo.

Elphaba: I don't need friends anymore! I have mute monkeys to talk to and give me fashion advice!

Glinda: Elphie, your life is pathetic.

Elphaba: I know sniff. That just reminds me, I should ahem COMMIT SUICIDE.

Glinda: No! Don't die! I'll tell everyone the truth!

Elphaba: YOU'RE the brainless one! Will you shut up whe- I mean, if I die if I give you my spell book?

Glinda: I think that this calls for best-friend singing.

Elphaba: More songs stuffed with foreshadowing and morality lessons, sung by Glinda and yours truly.

Chisterie: monkey talk, somehow getting Glinda to go away

Elphaba: Time to be WITCHY!!!

"Dorothy": Sploosh!

Elphaba: I'M MEEELLLTIIING!!! (Please be smarter than most of Oz, Glinda) MEEEEEELTING!!!!

Glinda: OH NO!!! ELPHIE MELTED!!!

Elphaba: God, Glinda, don't be a ditz.

WICKED

Madame Morrible: You honestly didn't have to go through all of that with those morons.

The Wizard: Yeah, but if they weren't happy they'd blab.

Glinda: Let's play pin the guilt on the Wizard, especially since we're right!

The Wizard: OH NO! NOT ONE OF THOSE SHOWS THAT COMES FULL CIRCLE!

Madame Morrible: I make random guesses that probably are right, but I don't know.

Glinda: Wizard, Madame, go away. My last tribute to Elphaba is to get rid of you two.

Townspeople: Let's have a celebration throughout Oz! Disclosed Foreshadowing

Glinda: Wait! I haven't had enough time to mourn my best buddy!

Monkeys: Just get in the bubble.

Scarecrow: HEEEEY!!! Remember me? Elphaba, get out of there.

Elphaba: OMG FIYERO YOU'RE ALIVE!!!

Scarecrow: You saved my life.

Elphaba: Well, no duh. That's why you're here. huggles!!!

Townspeople: Let's be haunting and mournful-ish.

Glinda: I'm so sad…solemn speech time!

Elphaba: Pleeeeease can I tell Glinda we're not dead yet?

Scarecrow: No. I'm wiser now, so we have to go.

Elphaba and Glinda: Because I knew you…

Townspeople: We are determined to interrupt your sorrowful singing!

Glinda: Well, operatic soprano trumps bullish belting!

Townspeople: Not this time!

Fiyero: Elphaba….let's go-o…

Elphaba: Fine.

Townspeople: This concludes our sorrowfully hopeful musical. Go away now.

END WICKED ACT II


	2. ACT II!

WICKED ACT II

Townspeople: The Wicked Witch of the West has made our lives horrible!

Glinda: I guarantee she won't bother you today if you party with me!

Madame Morrible: Let this be a lesson to the intelligent people in the audience you need to lie, cheat, and lie to succeed at anything.

Fiyero: Waitaminute, I'm getting married?!

Glinda: Somehow I forgot to tell you. So do you accept- good! You do!

Madame Morrible: So, remember. When I say 'Do you hate the Witch?', you say 'Yes, with all of my might.' Got it?

Fiyero: Morality conflicts

Madame Morrible: Do you hate the Witch?

Fiyero: Well, not really-

Madame Morrible: WRONG ANSWER!!! snarlys

Glinda: Fiyero, why not save yourself a bunch of pain and say what Madame Morrible wants?

Fiyero: Because I'm too busy marveling at how you think my obsession with Elphaba is because we were friends.

Glinda: Marry me!

Fiyero: I kind of have to, so okay. sad longings

WICKED

Nessa: This wasn't supposed to turn out like a master/servant relationship…

Boq: Then why don't you let me go?

Nessa: Because I like you. And you have a cool metallic jacket.

Boq: I call you madam because it gets on your nerves.

Nessa: Sigh Everybody hates me and I don't know why.

Elphaba: pops out of wardrobe

Nessa: EEK! Elphaba! You were only allowed to do that on Halloween! When I was six!

Elphaba: I need father's help.

Nessa: Daddy's dead because he hates you.

Elphaba: I need some other authority figures help, then. Nessa! Help me, pwease?

Nessa: No, because I have a very good vocabulary. So I won't help my only sister and lifelong caretaker.

Elphaba: I'm just trying to help others too!

Nessa: If you make me walk then I might be helpful.

Elphaba: SPELLCASTY ON SHOES

Nessa: Owowowowowowow! Hot shoes! TAKES TWO STEPS AND CRASHES

Elphaba: Hey, cool. Something turned out right!

Nessa: Now that I'm suddenly an expert at walking, I call Boq! Turns chair and hides

Elphaba: No! Not a witness!

Boq: OH NO! NESSA TURNED INTO HER SISTER!

Elphaba: Idiot, it's me.

Boq: Well, that's not much of a fall. You're sister's a jerk now.

Nessa: I heard that, but I'll ignore it because I can walk. Oh Bo-oq!

Boq: Yay! You can do things yourself! That means I leave, and-

Nessa: Oh no you don't! I STEAL YOUR HEART!!! Bad spell casting

Elphaba: Nessa, you can't do anything by yourself! I leave you for two seconds and you go and seal the fate of the guy you like!

Nessa: I blame you anyway, because Daddy said everything I do is right.

Elphaba: DO YOU WANT ME TO SAVE HIM OR NOT, BECAUSE I'D LET HIM DIE IF YOU WANT ME TO!

Nessa: Fine, save him. Dancing through Life pseudo-reprise

Elphaba: Well, he's alive. I hope you weren't expecting much else.

Nessa: Damn my lack of general magic knowledge!

Boq: I feel stiff, and my joints need oiling. TIN MAN'D!

Nessa: NOT MY FAULT!!!

Boq: What's not your faul- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! RUN AWAY

WICKED

Elphaba: I'm here to gatecrash the wizard, not Glinda's party.

The Wizard: I can make you magnificent!

Elphaba: That doesn't sound right…

The Wizard: What?

Elphaba: Magnificent. It doesn't have that ring to it.

The Wizard: Oh, okay….um….how about 'renowned'?

Elphaba: No…

The Wizard: 'Splendid?'

Elphaba: Not yet…

The Wizard: 'Grand'?

Elphaba: Almost…

The Wizard: I'm running out of words in my Microsoft Word thesaurus. There's one other good one left…'Wonderful'?

Elphaba: That's the one! I'll give up my resistance if you make me wonderful!

The Wizard: Wonderful!

Elphaba: Can you set the flying monkeys free, too? Otherwise I won't follow you!

The Wizard: Fine…

Flying Monkeys: FLY ABOUT CONFUSEDLY

Elphaba: FLY, MY PRETTIES! FLY, FLY, FLY!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The Wizard: I'm not sure I want to be associated with her anyway…

Elphaba: Hey! You under the blanket! You're not flying!

The Wizard: No!

Dr. Dillamond: Dumb Goat

Elphaba: Forget 'wonderful'! You hurt my friends!

THE WIZARD: GUARDS! THE AVACADO IS BACK!

Fiyero: OMG ELPH…I mean, go get water so I can fight the Witch!

Elphaba: Not you too, Fiyero. I mean, you're stupid, but this is too far!

Fiyero: change sides

The Wizard: Eep! Powerless without my floating head!

Glinda: Yay! Elphie's safe. C'mon, Fiyero, let's go get married. Elphie, know that you would be my bridesmaid if you weren't a fugitive.

Fiyero: I'm kind of having second thoughts about that marriage think. And I like Elphaba better.

Glinda: SHOCKED

Elphaba: SHOCKED

Fiyero: C'mon, Elphaba. Let's run through the woods together.

Elphaba: Okay! Some dreams come true

Glinda: Most dreams shatter

The Wizard: Have another drink, my dark-eyed beauty!

Glinda: JUST SAY NO!

Madame Morrible: Yay, The witch is in prison!

The Wizard: Weren't you paying attention last scene?

Glinda: Tell everybody Nessa's hurt and Elphie will come and be sisterish.

Madame Morrible: It would be a lot easier if we killed her.

The Wizard: Do your worst, Madame.

Madame Morrible: STORMING LITERALLY

Glinda: It was too perfect to be true…

Elphaba: This is too perfect to be true…

Fiyero: Well, everybody knows what happened tonight, it's just hard to show it on a stage while maintaining some of the actors' dignity.

Elphaba: I wish I was pretty…

Fiyero: Inner beauty spiel

Elphaba: Yeah, yeah, we've heard it before- WAIT! There's a flying house only I can see!

Fiyero: You're weird, but I like you anyway. So go help Nessa, and I'll let you live in the other castle, conveniently placed in the West.

WICKED

Glinda: It's amazing how much this line changes from actress to actress.

Elphaba: You dishonor my sister by mourning her death.

Glinda: Well, excuse me for trying to be solemn.

Elphaba: SADS

Glinda:CONSOLES  
Elphaba: ANGST

Glinda: UNHELPFUL TERMINOLOGY

Elphaba: I feel this shaky friendship has ended!

Glinda: Damn right! Slap!

Elphaba: Ahahahaha, you're so funny.

Glinda: You think so?

Elphaba: NO! Slap!

Glinda: I'm going to win because my wand is twirlier!

Elphaba: Forget wands, I pull your hair!

Glinda: I take your hat!

Guards: Okay, break it up, break it up.

Elphaba: No fair, playing off of my eldest sibling instincts!

Glinda: I didn't mean to!

Fiyero: This is the most awesome line, which should never be parodied. LET THE GREEN GIRL GO!

Glinda: Fiyero! You came back!

Fiyero: For Elphaba! And I'd threaten you if I have to, which I do.

Glinda: Well, drat.

Fiyero: Run, Elphaba!

Elphaba: Not without you!

Fiyero: I can't, I have to stay here and intimidate the guards.

Elphaba: I can think of six strategies that would let you come with me in about two seconds, but there's no time. FLY

Fiyero: I said 'run'…

Guards: POUNCE

Glinda: Don't harm him! Wait, he likes Elphie. Go ahead, forget I said anything.

Guards: Well, we have spears and backlighting. Let's allude to the Scarecrow as much as possible.

Glinda: FIYEEEEEEEEE-

Elphaba: EEEEEROOO!!! Is that not the coolest scene-change voice effect? Now skedaddle, monkeys, I have to spell cast. Let's see, funny words, motions, and now for me to assume that Fiyero is dead.

Audience: Well, this makes for a depressingly moving musical.

WICKED

Townspeople: MOBS ARE SO MUCH FUN!!!

'Tin Man': Now, some foreshadowing to the fact I still think of the Witch as my old classmate. Elph- Umm…THE WITCH!!!!!!!!! And the poor little Lion hates her too.

Townspeople: Most of us are probably drunk with the amount that this is riling us up.

Madame Morrible: Let this be a lesson to you that only mindlessly obedient alumni go down in Oz history.

Glinda: I kind of wish I did go with Elphaba during 'Defying Gravity'.

Madame Morrible: I hope you mobsters DO kill the witch! Good luck!

Glinda: I gotta go be a best friend again!

WICKED

Elphaba: Well, isn't it just cheap that we never actually SHOW Dorothy, but that would be another person with their own bow.

Glinda: Only hot or important people deserve my name-memory space, so the dog is now named Dodo.

Elphaba: I don't need friends anymore! I have mute monkeys to talk to and give me fashion advice!

Glinda: Elphie, your life is pathetic.

Elphaba: I know sniff. That just reminds me, I should ahem COMMIT SUICIDE.

Glinda: No! Don't die! I'll tell everyone the truth!

Elphaba: YOU'RE the brainless one! Will you shut up whe- I mean, if I die if I give you my spell book?

Glinda: I think that this calls for best-friend singing.

Elphaba: More songs stuffed with foreshadowing and morality lessons, sung by Glinda and yours truly.

Chisterie: monkey talk, somehow getting Glinda to go away

Elphaba: Time to be WITCHY!!!

"Dorothy": Sploosh!

Elphaba: I'M MEEELLLTIIING!!! (Please be smarter than most of Oz, Glinda) MEEEEEELTING!!!!

Glinda: OH NO!!! ELPHIE MELTED!!!

Elphaba: God, Glinda, don't be a ditz.

WICKED

Madame Morrible: You honestly didn't have to go through all of that with those morons.

The Wizard: Yeah, but if they weren't happy they'd blab.

Glinda: Let's play pin the guilt on the Wizard, especially since we're right!

The Wizard: OH NO! NOT ONE OF THOSE SHOWS THAT COMES FULL CIRCLE!

Madame Morrible: I make random guesses that probably are right, but I don't know.

Glinda: Wizard, Madame, go away. My last tribute to Elphaba is to get rid of you two.

Townspeople: Let's have a celebration throughout Oz! Disclosed Foreshadowing

Glinda: Wait! I haven't had enough time to mourn my best buddy!

Monkeys: Just get in the bubble.

Scarecrow: HEEEEY!!! Remember me? Elphaba, get out of there.

Elphaba: OMG FIYERO YOU'RE ALIVE!!!

Scarecrow: You saved my life.

Elphaba: Well, no duh. That's why you're here. huggles!!!

Townspeople: Let's be haunting and mournful-ish.

Glinda: I'm so sad…solemn speech time!

Elphaba: Pleeeeease can I tell Glinda we're not dead yet?

Scarecrow: No. I'm wiser now, so we have to go.

Elphaba and Glinda: Because I knew you…

Townspeople: We are determined to interrupt your sorrowful singing!

Glinda: Well, operatic soprano trumps bullish belting!

Townspeople: Not this time!

Fiyero: Elphaba….let's go-o…

Elphaba: Fine.

Townspeople: This concludes our sorrowfully hopeful musical. Go away now.

END WICKED ACT II


End file.
